All Star Weekend - Super Skills Competition

It's probably been about ten years since I last watched the ASG Skills Competition. I think the key to enjoying it is not to take it too seriously. The only issue I have with it is that while they'll tout players as "the fastest player," "the hardest shot", etc, really they're only the best of the All Stars. I think they should open up the competition to all NHL players, and perhaps leave the decision of who competes up to the players. After all, they would be the experts in who is the best in the league with certain skillz.

Introductions:

- That smoke "waterfall" the players are coming through is pretty neat. It'd be funnier if it was actual water.
- Why is the scoreboard covered in a sheet? Are they painting it?
- My girlfriend is way too excited that Marty Havlat is playing.
- Is Kaner starting his mullet early or has his hair loss escalated?
- Apparently when Sharpie was introduced they showed the Blue Jackets logo. FAIL.
- The music they're playing is rather distracting. PICK ONE OR TWO SONGS AND PLAY THE WHOLE THING. PLEASE AND THANK YOU.
- All of the Hurricanes are on Team Staal? LAME.
- Oh great, all of the competitions are sponsored. I swear there will be ads on jerseys ala Europe within ten years.

Fastest Skater:

- I remember that competition with Mike Gartner. OLD.
- Duncs vs. Letang to start. DON'T FALL PRETTY BOY!
- Damn, Letang beat out Duncs by a hair. I bet he got extra propulsion from all the fan girls screaming.
- GO TIMMY CHEESEBURGER GO!
- Timmy grabbed a waffle that fell on the ice behind the net - at least it looked like he did.
- It would be nice if they just stuck to the split screen for this.
- Michael Grabner of the Islanders wins. My gf would like to note that they pronounce his name in a very un-German way.

Breakway Challenge:

- The winner is determined by text? Oh, THAT'S fair :P
- Marty Havlat has the best ginger beard.
- Oh, PK Subban. Trolling for crowd approval wearing that Skinner jersey.
- LOL, what is Flower doing?
- Maybe they should do this competition sans goalies
- At this rate, whoever actually gets the puck in the net will win.
- I'm voting for KOPITAR
- Ovi won again? QUELLE SURPRISE! :P

Accuracy Shooting:

- Sharp, Toews & Kane are all competing in this. Oh the chirping that will commence...
- Q's on the bench and telling one of the Sedins: "Sorry we made you guys cry when we ran up the score on ya."
- The shooting is taking place at the same time? WHY? MORE TIME = MORE COMMERCIALS NHL.
- I bet Timmy Thomas wishes he was in the accuracy contest. MMM...MCDONALDS.
- The audio on-ice in Carolina is terrible.
- TOEWS VS. SHARPIE. LOL
- A do-over? What even...
- LOL at the fans booing Tazer after he wins the do-over. CHEATER! ;)
- Kaner beats hometown boy Staal. Probably thought the "LET'S GO CANES" chant was for him.
- Marty Havlat that was terrible. My gf makes a sad panda face for you.
- Kaner vs. Sedin #1 for the final...
- At least Kaner can tell Sedin, "Sorry, but my SC ring slowed me down."

Oooh, good timing. My Indian food arrived just as the intermission started.

Challenge Relay:

- This one seems...cumbersome.
- Oh it started? Geez that was anti-climatic.
- I WANT ONE OF THOSE LITTLE NETS.
- That was rather boring really.
- Team Lidstrom is going to have to win this one by like 50 seconds if they want to have a shot at winning the Skills Compitition.
- LOL at Henrik Sedin and those little nets. 
- TAZER FTW! That was rather impressive.
- Good lord Letang - you're a D-man. You'd think you could pot the one timer from the point.
- Geez, Kaner. You're doing it wrong!
- HAAAAAA F BOMB BY DUCHENE!
- Aaaaand Team Lidstorm actually wins one. You can thank Jonathan Toews for that.
- Hey Claude Giroux - remember last June when a certain someone scored on that angle from which you just shot? ;)
- Thank god this is over. I think half the crowd either went for more beer or visited the potty.

Hardest Shot:

- Is this even going to be a contest? Hopefully Chara will go last to make the other guys think they actually have a shot at winning.
- Have they always included the rookies in the ASG? They should do a rookie shootout or something instead.
- The audio and video is totally not synced. This irks me.
- Just set this up for Chara vs. Weber.
- I wouldn't have picked Sharpie for this but whatever. They needed a handsome quotient in this category.
- Here we go: Weber vs. Chara. Put it through the net Shea!
- IS THAT A FLIP PHONE KANER?
- Nothing would please me more if Buff destroyed Nash here.
- Rick Nash. FAIL.
- Too bad Ovi didn't chip another tooth with that face plant there.
- 48 MPH OVI??? OH FAIL. BUY NEW STICKS.
- Oh he gets a do-over too? Of course.
- Apparently Ovi broke the speed gun with his ugly.
- Weber vs. Chara in the finals. SHOCK.
- Looks like Chara was just lying in wait...
- I bet Timmy Thomas says a prayer of thanks everyday that Chara's on his team. Wouldn't want to be on the receiving end of one of those bombs.

 Elimination Shootout:

- Kesler has a terrible cow-lick
- Price with the poke check on Henrik Sedin. Go Price Go!
- Are we sure this isn't the goalie saves competition?
- And Buff is the first skater to score? Who knew?
- Flower is on fire here.
- So two D-men are the first to score? LOLLERCOASTER
- Darth Vader & GQ man in net now.
- King Henrik tripped Richards there. Niiiiiice.
- And that is why Duncs isn't ever in the Hawks' shootout lineup.
- Anze Kopitar looks like he hasn't slept since they implemented the shootouts in games.
- LOL OVI! GO TIMMEH GO!
- WHY CAN'T YOU DO THAT IN GAME SHOOTOUTS KANER?
- Sharpie has never been good at shootouts/breakaways. Rather surprising considering.
- And Toews misses. He's usually money in shootouts. OH WELL.
- Buff's tries his one move again and it doesn't go. Do you have a wrist shot Buff?
- Marty St. Louis is sick!
- That looks more like the shootout Patrick Kane I remember.
- Corey Perry wins in the third round vs. Marty St. Louis
- I'm surprised so many shooters missed. Made this whole shootout thing less exciting for fans, but as a goalie fan, I appreciated it.

And...Team Staal beats Team Lidstrom, 33 to 22. Wouldn't it be great if that was the final score tomorrow?

Overall, I thought the Super Skills dragged on a bit too long. Did it really need to be almost 4 hours? My ADD cannot handle it. I would rather they dropped a few contests and had something like a Legends vs. Rookies game or something similar instead.

My prediction for tomorrow's game? Lidstrom 13, Stall 11. Toews with the game winner ;)

P.S. BONUS ASG TOEWS-FACE!

Photo by Kevin C. Cox/Getty Images