Welp.

Just to make it official: 

More tomorrow - it's been an exhausting two weeks of playoff hockey and I haven't quite wrapped my head around the results. Let's just say I have never been prouder of the Hawks for proving the doubters wrong and fighting to the very end. Oh and that Vancouver has only reinforced the fact that they're a bunch of classless, crybaby assbags. Have fun choking in the second round again dickheads!

Later!

LEMMINGS

WE LOST GAME ONE! EVERYONE, TO THE CLIFFS!

Seriously folks. Anyone who's watched any amount of sports knows that losing a game one in a seven game series is not the end of the world. Ask the 2004 Boston Red Sox. I'd tell you to ask the 2010 Philadelphia Flyers, but I'm afraid Zdeno Chara may check you into a turnbuckle if you do

Does this mean I don't wish the Hawks would have beaten the Canucks last night? Of course not. That first period was deflating to watch as a fan. I am encouraged by the way the Hawks game out in the second and third periods. If Kane has better aim on Luongo's ass and Brouwer hits Hossa on the breakaway, it would have been a different game folks. Do you remember hearing either of the Sedins' names except when they did the skate of shame to the penalty box? No. And that is a good sign.

That being said, I think game two is close to a must win for the Blackhawks. They can't come out looking like they just woke up and get steamrolled like they did in that first period. Get a goal early, crowd the crease and the Nucks will get frustrated. We've all seen it before.

Anyway, no real recap (you expect me to have an attention span this time of year?), but I'm dusting off the awards. Because I can.

The Han Solo Award (Best Overall Performance)
Corey Crawford

For a guy starting his first playoff game, you cannot complain about how Craw performed last night. Sure, maybe that second goal should have been stopped, but Corey kept his team in the game and gave them a chance to win, as he's done all year. Two goals against the highest scoring offense is nothing to be sniffed at. And let's be honest - can you name another Hawk that had a notable game last night? I don't think so.

The Jar-Jar Binks Award (Most Annoying Asinine Person or Object)
Mr. Goal Post

I can't remember the last time the Hawks (or any team for that matter) hit four posts in a game. Well, the Hawks did exactly that in game one, and for that, the post deserves a jeer. If only it would have gotten out of the way! Ok, yes I know the blame is squarely placed on the shooters for just missing. And in all fairness, I heard a couple PINGS for the Nucks as well. Oh goal post - why must you troll so hard?

PLAYOFF TOEWS FACE!

Rich Lam / Getty Images

I'd like to at least see a partial appearance of the Toews muttonchops this postseason. So LET'S GO HAWKS!

Let's Laugh At My Predictions & Then Make Some New Ones

First off, let me apologize for my absence the last couple of months. I have no real excuse besides the fact I'm lazy and it is much less enjoyable to write about your team when they're kinda stinky. Most of my time has been focused as of late on my Flickr account - I still have well over 500 photos to go through from our trip to Vegas last month (not to mention IceHogs, Cubs & more Hawks pictures). Woo.

But now that we're on the eve of THE MOST WONDERFUL TIME OF THE YEAR (yes, I love this more than that Xmas holiday thingy), I'll do my best to be more active for the duration of the playoffs. I will warn you that I take losses hard, so I will apologize in advance for any angsty, despondent or otherwise nonsensical posts I make here in the coming weeks.

Let's start with a flashback, shall we?

Game 82, Heart Palpitations & $43.78

They say playing sports are good for the heart. They never mention that watching sports can induce labor, cardiac arrest and an extreme bout of manic depression.

In stark contrast to last year, the Blackhawks' dreams of actively defending their Stanley Cup came down to one point in one game. All they had to do was gain a point in yesterday's tilt with Red Wings and they were in - maybe even as high as a five seed. Lose in regulation and odds were the golf clubs would be out, as the Dallas Stars could tie the Hawks with a regulation or OT win, and take the last spot by virtue of winning the tiebreaker.

I was in Milwaukee Sunday morning, after spending Saturday night at Miller Park with my girlfriend and her parents watching the Cubs lose (as usual). We were on the road shortly before the game started. Thankfully my girlfriend offered to drive home or you might have heard a story on the news about a Honda Fit careening off of 94 shortly after a goal was scored in the game.

The first period was scoreless. I missed going into the newly constructed Mars Cheese Castle so I wouldn't miss a second of the game. I am so dedicated. We were approaching the Chicago 'burbs when Frolik scored to give the Hawks a 1-0 lead in the second. Shortly thereafter the wheels came off. The Wings scored two in quick succession. We got home right before the second ended, and I had barely taken a bite of the falafel I was having for a late lunch when the Wings scored again to take a 3-1 lead early in the third.

I couldn't handle it. This is how the season is going to end? Losing on home ice to our hated rivals when there were SO SO MANY points left on the table throughout the entire season. I flipped to watch something mindless (Major League) and followed the game action on Twitter. I flipped back when the Hawks made it interesting (3-2, then 4-3 because of course, the Wings scored yet again), only to have to turn away after a minute or two. When the Hawks had to take a draw outside the zone with 45 seconds left, I was done. And so was the Blackhawks' 2010-11 season. My heart hurt.

Because there was no way the Minnesota Wild, they of the terrible second half of the season and two full lines of starters injured was going to beat the Dallas Stars. Right?

I sat in my recliner post game in a daze. And angry. SO SO ANGRY. Angry at a team that at times looked liked they couldn't be bothered to care. A team that let so many games slip away in the last period, that if they had just held it together for a few minutes more, their ticket to the postseason would have been punched already. A coaching staff and front office that made so many mind boggling personnel moves during the season that I actively questioned their sanity.

I was also pissed that I would not be getting the $43.78 in Ticketmaster fees from the three playoff games I had purchased refunded. $43.78 for printing out four tickets, stuffing them in an envelope and sending them standard mail. Fuckers.

By the time the Wild-Stars game had started, I had occupied myself by editing photos on my computer. I couldn't bring myself to witness disappointment again, even though the game was on NHL Network. I kept checking my Twitter feed for updates. The Wild scored first - a small glimmer of hope flickered. It was quickly extinguished with two consecutive Stars goals. I glared at my playoff tickets so hard I thought they would burst into flames.

By the time the third period had rolled around, the game was tied at 3. I was basically watching my Twitter feed as I still couldn't bring myself to turn on the TV - I'll jinx it, I thought. I bargained with any deity that would listen. I promised never to badmouth Basil McRae again. And I said I could donate that $43.78 to a Minnesota charity if the Wild could pull this game out. Because I was going to lose it anyway, right?

The Wild scored to make it 4-3 in the third.

At this point, I was convinced I was hallucinating. Or that I would wake up, sitting in the recliner in the living room post Hawks game, willing myself not to cry. The chinese food we had ordered for dinner had arrived at this point, so I sat down in front of the TV for the last five minutes of the game. How my fried rice did not end up on the ceiling is a mystery.

The Stars pulled their goalie. The Wild fans were going...well, wild. And Mel is willing herself not to jump out the open window, pee herself or both.

The Wild scored the ENG to put the game away at 5-3. "YES!" I screamed. "THANK YOU JESUS!" Later, this would be comical to me as the storefront church next door was having services and probably thought I was a church member in the back row speaking in tongues.

A team that had no business winning, who had nothing to play for but pride, booted the Stars right out of the playoffs. And the Chicago Blackhawks, who don't deserve it, have a chance to defend that Stanley Cup that they won in the most magical summer of my life.

Thank you Minnesota Wild. Because of you, the Minnesota AIDS Project is now $43.78 richer.

Bring it, Canucks.

P.S. GAME 82 TOEWS-FACE. FOR OLD TIME'S SAKE!

Bill Smith/NHLI via Getty Images