Let's Laugh At My Predictions & Then Make Some New Ones

First off, let me apologize for my absence the last couple of months. I have no real excuse besides the fact I'm lazy and it is much less enjoyable to write about your team when they're kinda stinky. Most of my time has been focused as of late on my Flickr account - I still have well over 500 photos to go through from our trip to Vegas last month (not to mention IceHogs, Cubs & more Hawks pictures). Woo.

But now that we're on the eve of THE MOST WONDERFUL TIME OF THE YEAR (yes, I love this more than that Xmas holiday thingy), I'll do my best to be more active for the duration of the playoffs. I will warn you that I take losses hard, so I will apologize in advance for any angsty, despondent or otherwise nonsensical posts I make here in the coming weeks.

Let's start with a flashback, shall we?



Back in October when hopes were high, gas was under $3 and I had less grey hair, I made my predictions for the regular season. Well, I got some right at least:

My Predictions:

Atlantic

1. Penguins

2. Flyers

3. Devils

4. Rangers

5. Islanders

Northeast

1. Bruins

2. Sabres

3. Canadiens

4. Senators

5. Maple Leafs

Southeast

1. Capitals

2. Lightning

3. Thrashers

4. Hurricanes

5. Panthers

Well, not too terrible I guess. All of my misses were only off by a spot.

My Predictions:

Central

1. Blackhawks

2. Red Wings

3. Blues

4. Predators

5. Blue Jackets

Northwest

1. Canucks

2. Avalanche

3. Flames

4. Wild

5. Oilers

Pacific

1. Kings

2. Sharks

3. Coyotes

4. Ducks

5. Stars

I mucked this one up a bit didn't I? I'll blame my picks in the Central to straight homerism, but what in the hell was I thinking picking Colorado to finish second in the Northwest? JAY-SUS.

And lastly, the playoff seedings:

My Predictions:

1. Capitals
2. Penguins
3. Bruins
4. Flyers
5. Sabres
6. Devils
7. Canadiens
8. Lightning





Well, hey I picked 7 of 8, but the fact I thought New Jersey would make it is comical now. I also said at the time, "The Rangers could squeak into the eight spot, but I won't hold my breath." Don't worry, I'm not turning blue.

My Predictions:


1. Canucks
2. Blackhawks
3. Kings
4. Sharks
5. Red Wings
6. Coyotes
7. Avalanche
8. Blues




I picked both the Avs & Blues to make it? LOLLERCOASTER. In my defense though, I did say if the Blues didn't make it, the Preds would instead. So, NYAAH.

Oh and here's some gems from that prediction post:

"Why does the NHL Network still run those Tim Thomas commercials? He's the American version of Cristobal Huet" 

"The Capitals have even an easier time in their division than the Canucks, so expect them to again steamroll to the President's Trophy" 

"So who gets burned in effigy first? Carey Price or Brian Gionta?"

"I still love you Nemo but goalie with trampolines for pads + crappy defense = GAA over 3. "

"Are we sure Teemu Selanne hasn't been mummified yet?"

Wow. Just wow.

Anyway, let's hope I don't screw up my playoff predictions nearly as badly:

Western:

(1) Vancouver Canucks vs. (8) Chicago Blackhawks
Yes, the Canucks are the best team in the NHL. On paper. And the Hawks barely got in. So you say. But for all the talent in the world, if you're a mental midget in the playoffs, you won't be going far. And for the last two years the Hawks have dominated the Nucks between the ears. I think if the Hawks can take one of the first two, the weight of expectation and recent history is really going to wear Vancouver down. Then again, if the Hawks turn into the "Wait, is a game *really* sixty full minutes" Hawks we saw way too often this season, the Canucks probably take this in five. Still...
Prediction: Blackhawks in Seven

(2) San Jose Sharks vs. (7) Los Angeles Kings
If Anze Kopitar was playing, this would be a different series. But he's out and the Kings don't have anyone close to pickimg up his missing offense. Add little Nemo to the mix and I don't think the crowned ones have much of a chance here. But if the Sharks do their little choking routine, I will laugh (Sorry, Antti).
Prediction: Sharks in Five

(3) Detroit Red Wings vs. (6) Phoenix Coyotes
The Red Wings haven't looked their best as of late, having succumbed to injury and a case of the Olds. But this is the Wings we're talking about here and as much as I hate to admit it, they always bring it in the postseason. This went to seven last year, and if Bryz can steal a game or two, this could be interesting. I feel so dirty with this pick but...
Prediction: Red Wings in Six

(4) Anaheim Ducks vs. (5) Nashville Predators
This is the most intriguing Western match to me other than Hawks/Nucks. A high flying, hot team in the Ducks versus a defensive minded team that makes Admiral Ackbar proud. Really I could go either way here, but I think Corey & Teemu continue their torrid scoring pace as of late. But if Pekka Rinne can stop them, look out.
Prediction: Ducks in Seven

Eastern:

(1) Washington Capitals vs. (8) New York Rangers
As much as I would be overjoyed to see Mr. Ovechkin make another first round exit, I don't think New York can keep up here. The only way I can see the Rangers pull this out is if King Henrik does backflips all series and the Caps' net is a revolving door. Then again, ask Jose Theodore what it's like to be named the starting goaltender for Washington in the playoffs.
Prediction: Capitals in Five

(2) Philadelphia Flyers vs. (7) Buffalo Sabres
Two months ago, most experts considered the Flyers a near shoo-in to repeat as conference champs. Now, not so much. The Flyers have been doody in the recent weeks - right around the time they traded for Kris Versteeg (Hmmm). Buffalo on the other hand went 8-1-1 to get in, and this was without Ryan Miller for some of those games. It's going to be a dogfight to be sure, but consider this my upset special.
Prediction: Sabres in Seven

(3) Boston Bruins vs. (6) Montreal Canadiens
I expect this series to be clean, sportsmanlike...BWAHAHAHA WHO AM I KIDDING? This is the series everyone wants to watch because it's sure to be a total complete shitshow. Lost in all of this will be the fine goaltending that is likely to be displayed by Thomas and Price. But no matter who wins or loses, if you live in Quebec you might want to find a secure place to park your car.
Prediction: Bruins in Six

(4) Pittsburgh Penguins vs. (5) Tampa Bay Lightning
Kudos to the Pens for playing so well without Sid & Geno for half the season. But now is when both these guys are going to be missed the most. Sure, Crosby may be rushed back, but what condition is he going to be in? You could say that the Pens have a goaltending edge here, but I've never been totally convinced that Flower is an elite goalie. If Stamkos and St. Louis pepper him with wicked shots, it's game over.
Predictions: Lightning in Seven


Finally I'd like to end this tl;dr post with an advance apology to my co-workers. Sorry, I will be unproductive, sleepy (DAMN YOU WEST COAST GAMES) and moody for April, May and part of June. I'll make it up to you in August when the Cubs are 15 games out of first.